Healing After Affairs

Is there usually healing after an affair?


Circumstances and marriages are unique so the individuals affected each react in very personal ways. Infidelity touches most marriages or relationships that have lasted over 10 years, although cheating occurs most often in the first two years. The depth of the connection before the affair, the types and personal meanings of the betrayals, as well as the resilience and motivation to stay together are important factors. A decision about divorce or breaking up is always a balance of emotion and logic, of determining what is best for you vs. what is best for others, among other considerations. At such times, clarifying your feelings, perceptions, and options with a licensed psychologist may be helpful, especially if you, your spouse or partner, or other family members are dealing with depression, grief, or other emotions.


If both spouses or partners want the relationship to succeed, or are open to exploring if that is possible, my experience is that healing is likely. By interviewing each individual, as well as interviewing the couple, we can determine the likely root causes of the cheating and create a treatment plan specific to your situation.


Behaviors that are a key part of infidelity treatment plans include:  acknowledgement of one’s wrongs and acceptance of responsibility for one’s actions, cultivation of forgiveness, re-establishing trust through accountability and transparency, deepening intimacy through shared vulnerabilities, and brainstorming about how to have more fun together and enjoy one another’s company.


Relationships with a history of repeated pleas for forgiveness, promises to change, and relapses may require a more thorough evaluation, more intensive therapy, or a different approach.


As a relationship therapist and coach, I apply the above principles to assist you in identifying and achieving your relationship goals. I will make every effort to work within your value system. A confidential, fifty-minute consultation may be arranged for an in-office visit or arrangement can be made for telephone consultation. Please note that telephone consultation is not covered by insurance and must be pre-paid by credit card or PayPal.

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