Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


lover qualified sex therapist deal act out withstand prioritization parenting plan parenting plans swinging marry newly divorced better the relationship forensic psychological evaluations Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations thoughts monitored exchange boundary access psychological evaluations friends fulfillment repressed bias mental states better needs Orlando sex offender therapy talk therapy arrangement loved relationship models another respect swingers sexual avoidance techniques learning and growth sexual addiction suffering forensic psychology withstand challenges trauma consultants suppression improve professional behaviors delicate topic problem unsettling life event adult relationship therapy fault mental examination parent coordination Orlando neuropsychologist deserves repressed memories Orlando mediators spouses family mediation child psychologist orlando effective mental illness habits sex Orlando therapists phobias mind therapist topics for discussion digital separation depression sex offender therapy sex therapist counseling risks judge beginning qualified divided loyalties class orlando legal trial social pragmatic communication disorder grief expression stress love lying mediates satisfaction swing specific problem Orlando supervised visitation loves undergo hypnosis personality growth conflict collaborative divorce sex therapy orlando unsettling anxious treatment alimony discussion psychologists orlando sex offender therapist state of mind dealing with anxiety hypnotherapy qualified therapist bias towards reassurance not his fault courts mediator Orlando psychologists cheater mental state medical Parenting Coordination Program healthy habits modern relationship mental health services develop dealing with stress orlando sex therapy withdraw address tools ideal emotions non-monogamy Cooperative Parenting Institute therapy relationships suppressed hypnosis family overeating Neuropsychology Competency Restoration Training neuropsychologists delicate topics sex offender marriage problems psychologist life event psychologists in orlando Orlando collaborative divorce multiple personality disorder dynamic sadness lawyers licensed psychologist success cheated-upon live apart child consult co-parenting therapy mismatched sex drives prenuptial agreements delicate relief stress-relieving child custody court communication problem Orlando Family Mediation mediators friendship habit couple's therapy abuse troubled caring treatments substance abuse divorce coaches collaborative law litigation respectfully mental health counselor problems learning out of court litigation support determine medicine agree orientation confusion leave Orlando psychologist politicians married contested custodies negotiations before the divorce disputes PTSD challenges communication modification family psychotherapy cheating autonomy buried memories psychological messy divorce sleep disorders relationship woes mental health psychology orlando agreement relationship boundaries attorney Orlando psychotherapy masturbation modern relationships evaluation child abuse developments help relationships one another affair malicious divorce time-sharing marriage counseling orlando fl clarify priorities unconventional repression navigate addiction craving management intense consultation divided communication problems priorities spouse mediation friendly terms sexual behavioral problems relocation disputes psychotherapy orlando psychosexual evaluations couples relaxation talking points psychology sexual child development neuroanatomy sexual trauma Orlando family mediator acceptance expectation neuropsychologist parents estates unconscious scientist behavior persona sexual enrichment post traumatic stress disorder divorce education orlando sexual satisfaction divorcing property boundaries listening personal fulfillment value system struggling child psychiatric families attorneys neuropsychological evaluations psychotherapy family counseling psychotherapist family counseling orlando child's mental state psychological evaluation aftermath values Parenting Coordinator Orlando mediation expectations sexual monogamy marriage troubles studies couple's problems children law enforcement specialists settlement doctor call it quits disorders therapists in orlando evaluate acting out partner violence valued partner different self adjustment divorce questions hopeless issues cheated advantageous intimacy brain long-term relationship without bias scientists self parent marriage improve sexual satisfaction behavior modification assessment influence help relationship smoking psychologists sleep disorder appropriate ways couples counseling dynamics procedure monetary value marriage counseling partners psychometrist memories relationship assess clarify development caring behaviors activities infidelity support heart improving neurodevelopmental disorders struggling help courage neurological abnormality therapist's roles phobia self-expression family therapy anti-anxiety unconventional arrangement accept disorder influential undergo Orlando parenting plan evaluations divorce trial healing foundation sex therapy overeating habits molestation alternative medicine law enforcement consultants smoking cessation The Florida Bar paternity addressed Orlando hypnotherapy access repressed thoughts conflict resolution anxiety repressed thoughts shades of grey mess of a divorce infidelity aftermath swinger


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design