Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


divided undergo hypnosis licensed psychologist prenuptial agreements anti-anxiety family counseling orlando sex offender withdraw neuroanatomy family mediation dynamics newly divorced messy divorce autonomy discussion alternative medicine divorce suffering scientist undergo psychosexual evaluations hypnotherapy addiction better self-expression psychology healing stress-relieving sex therapy orlando couple's problems anxiety disorder activities help relationships neurodevelopmental disorders value system delicate topics contested custodies different self child psychologist orlando psychology orlando qualified relief property foundation sexual talk therapy psychologists orlando better the relationship risks acceptance needs Orlando psychologist issues unconventional clarify priorities navigate act out post traumatic stress disorder malicious divorce Parenting Coordination Program buried memories studies negotiations troubled estates sleep disorder acting out sexual addiction leave swingers arrangement partners courts psychotherapy orlando modification divorce coaches Orlando supervised visitation brain behavior modification relocation disputes aftermath assessment smoking cessation child The Florida Bar depression litigation expectations self access repressed thoughts child custody dealing with stress shades of grey reassurance sex therapy support divorce education orlando mediators scientists mediation marriage problems psychologists in orlando challenges deserves one another trial family craving management married psychometrist law enforcement specialists hopeless monetary value sexual satisfaction Orlando mediation Neuropsychology alimony boundary sexual avoidance qualified therapist sex offender therapist modern relationship disorders friendly terms conflict resolution behaviors Orlando psychologists counseling treatment doctor couples counseling withstand cheater struggling family counseling anxious divorcing Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations spouse bias behavior Orlando hypnotherapy mental health swing satisfaction separation learning and growth phobia effective unconventional arrangement another overeating habits developments love marry repression sex offender therapy parenting plan without bias smoking delicate psychological evaluation collaborative divorce consultation modern relationships intense partner evaluation out of court personal fulfillment attorney partner violence collaborative law life event neurological abnormality family therapy live apart judge digital sadness sexual behavioral problems orientation confusion healthy habits unsettling life event appropriate ways therapist emotions withstand challenges Competency Restoration Training therapist's roles child's mental state sleep disorders mind medical memories mental state infidelity non-monogamy persona heart marriage cheating unconscious Orlando family mediator address agree intimacy specific problem psychological evaluations personality priorities valued relationship models substance abuse co-parenting therapy affair clarify marriage troubles trauma improving forensic psychology mediates Parenting Coordinator mental illness divorce trial psychologists litigation support medicine values psychological orlando sex therapy therapists in orlando success families courage sex neuropsychologists professional dynamic multiple personality disorder repressed parenting plans mental states growth agreement masturbation caring consultants hypnosis politicians listening sexual enrichment influential spouses parents law enforcement consultants communication problems lawyers habits swinger boundaries cheated thoughts parent coordination unsettling Orlando therapists children respectfully prioritization dealing with anxiety infidelity aftermath repressed thoughts relaxation relationships improve sexual satisfaction struggling child attorneys suppressed legal long-term relationship neuropsychological evaluations repressed memories learning development abuse disputes swinging communication divided loyalties class orlando settlement Orlando sex offender therapy mediator talking points relationship therapy caring behaviors advantageous forensic psychological evaluations suppression Orlando parenting plan evaluations sex therapist loves mental health services family psychotherapy sexual trauma evaluate lover overeating child abuse court Cooperative Parenting Institute develop access state of mind stress parent help relationship adjustment marriage counseling orlando fl loved grief psychiatric Orlando psychotherapy psychotherapist Orlando Family Mediation lying before the divorce phobias sexual monogamy marriage counseling fault paternity mental examination not his fault friends tools Orlando neuropsychologist problem habit expectation help topics for discussion mess of a divorce social pragmatic communication disorder time-sharing fulfillment couples adult couple's therapy beginning molestation techniques mismatched sex drives improve relationship woes PTSD child development treatments communication problem friendship questions determine call it quits Orlando mediators conflict psychotherapy monitored exchange consult cheated-upon relationship boundaries Orlando collaborative divorce psychologist relationship bias towards expression addressed problems neuropsychologist mental health counselor procedure accept delicate topic respect ideal influence therapy assess deal qualified sex therapist


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design