Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


dynamics communication problem healthy habits counseling addiction parenting plan paternity medicine couple's problems expectations child's mental state psychotherapy divorce coaches lover unsettling Orlando neuropsychologist out of court troubled mental illness Parenting Coordinator assessment bias appropriate ways attorney negotiations conflict psychology sexual monogamy couples counseling attorneys licensed psychologist loves stress-relieving family mediation social pragmatic communication disorder help relationships Orlando supervised visitation friendly terms masturbation family counseling caring behaviors needs unconventional arrangement affair acceptance law enforcement specialists repressed thoughts neuropsychologists Orlando mediators adjustment neurodevelopmental disorders sexual enrichment suppression boundaries psychological evaluation friendship fulfillment partners family counseling orlando influential families sex therapy orlando divided priorities sex offender therapy marry emotions state of mind cheater techniques sleep disorder swinging accept parenting plans psychologist contested custodies improve relationship influence access repressed thoughts property consultation improving intimacy marriage problems mediates psychologists addressed qualified sex therapist effective divorce trial anti-anxiety hypnosis relationship woes molestation psychology orlando struggling child psychological evaluations repression communication undergo hypnosis digital habits Neuropsychology persona Orlando sex offender therapy Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations psychologists in orlando family smoking cessation scientists issues monetary value help relationship mess of a divorce parents act out withdraw help challenges treatments developments tools neuropsychological evaluations collaborative divorce procedure estates evaluate settlement relaxation psychological sex therapy doctor better the relationship legal marriage troubles politicians psychotherapy orlando another cheated-upon questions mental health services couples separation unconscious consultants therapists in orlando therapist's roles boundary swing partner co-parenting therapy mental health counselor sex offender habit withstand address child suppressed therapy unsettling life event family psychotherapy newly divorced litigation cheated unconventional marriage counseling orlando fl litigation support divorcing delicate topics married studies risks Orlando mediation repressed memories thoughts qualified therapist arrangement relationship therapy delicate topic Orlando Family Mediation sexual behavioral problems satisfaction substance abuse infidelity Orlando family mediator withstand challenges court conflict resolution therapist better Orlando parenting plan evaluations sleep disorders values phobia spouses life event assess disorders autonomy talking points anxiety judge child abuse call it quits intense abuse mind swinger advantageous alternative medicine deserves suffering depression neurological abnormality dealing with anxiety memories PTSD expression foundation growth mismatched sex drives lying live apart healing agreement relief Orlando therapists Orlando hypnotherapy before the divorce partner violence craving management problem parent coordination sex therapist mental state swingers respect mental health clarify priorities Parenting Coordination Program trial psychiatric shades of grey hypnotherapy evaluation Orlando collaborative divorce spouse law enforcement consultants value system mediator learning sex offender therapist medical forensic psychological evaluations stress sadness caring self-expression marriage relationship models prenuptial agreements relationships beginning deal modern relationship heart sexual addiction development repressed psychologists orlando struggling relocation disputes smoking mediators behaviors improve sexual satisfaction child development Cooperative Parenting Institute courage anxious learning and growth neuroanatomy activities respectfully not his fault adult divided loyalties class orlando divorce education orlando bias towards leave psychotherapist sexual satisfaction reassurance behavior neuropsychologist forensic psychology sexual trauma agree sexual consult disputes aftermath prioritization phobias messy divorce discussion sex undergo malicious divorce fault specific problem success post traumatic stress disorder communication problems hopeless couple's therapy collaborative law modern relationships professional personal fulfillment long-term relationship self non-monogamy lawyers alimony acting out loved sexual avoidance clarify The Florida Bar access parent multiple personality disorder courts Orlando psychotherapy psychosexual evaluations topics for discussion without bias orientation confusion trauma overeating divorce different self mental examination problems scientist dynamic qualified determine relationship boundaries develop treatment Orlando psychologists mental states time-sharing brain cheating ideal overeating habits grief Orlando psychologist child custody orlando sex therapy family therapy friends delicate valued psychometrist Competency Restoration Training monitored exchange navigate marriage counseling modification support expectation dealing with stress personality disorder behavior modification one another listening mediation child psychologist orlando talk therapy children infidelity aftermath love buried memories


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design