Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


spouse cheated brain beginning conflict resolution assess swingers self mental health satisfaction non-monogamy improve boundaries lover communication problems monetary value repressed Orlando Family Mediation Cooperative Parenting Institute grief evaluate boundary psychometrist sexual avoidance advantageous mental health services Orlando psychotherapy psychology orlando topics for discussion friends deal alternative medicine long-term relationship hopeless develop intimacy courts aftermath trauma estates act out marriage counseling orlando fl alimony settlement medicine judge better one another divorce coaches scientist consultation modification Parenting Coordination Program Orlando parenting plan evaluations relationship boundaries collaborative divorce values relationship psychotherapy mental states success medical collaborative law Orlando supervised visitation anxiety time-sharing relocation disputes suppressed craving management psychotherapist intense sexual trauma ideal assessment personal fulfillment mind repressed memories sleep disorders not his fault discussion marriage neurological abnormality agreement problems family psychological evaluation mess of a divorce swing marriage troubles family therapy disorder development digital delicate specific problem sex therapist help relationships molestation contested custodies better the relationship unsettling life event call it quits family psychotherapy emotions social pragmatic communication disorder family counseling sex therapy orlando divorce trial sexual monogamy cheater child psychologist orlando unconventional withdraw risks mediation divided loyalties class orlando qualified fault buried memories mental examination smoking newly divorced phobia neuropsychologist mediator unconscious lawyers marriage counseling neuroanatomy personality orlando sex therapy bias towards techniques divorce education orlando couples relaxation sexual relief anti-anxiety healing troubled Orlando sex offender therapy post traumatic stress disorder infidelity aftermath parents growth consultants unsettling habits Competency Restoration Training dynamics accept neuropsychologists evaluation infidelity help relationship access repressed thoughts married couple's therapy sex offender therapy mediators litigation support learning thoughts mental state swinging support behaviors child custody delicate topic mediates adjustment acting out live apart child abuse modern relationship sex therapy divorcing therapist's roles parenting plans issues partner disorders mental health counselor talk therapy attorneys consult loves valued Parenting Coordinator overeating habits fulfillment hypnosis messy divorce lying anxious treatments The Florida Bar relationship models listening sex offender relationship woes sleep disorder parenting plan sex qualified sex therapist cheated-upon smoking cessation suppression forensic psychology learning and growth partner violence struggling child clarify priorities agree activities hypnotherapy depression affair Orlando therapists talking points questions prioritization Orlando hypnotherapy masturbation undergo hypnosis sexual addiction parent therapist multiple personality disorder law enforcement specialists appropriate ways treatment Orlando psychologists stress-relieving psychologists orlando divorce child communication psychotherapy orlando dynamic withstand challenges monitored exchange malicious divorce psychosexual evaluations neurodevelopmental disorders different self problem out of court children address Orlando mediators Orlando mediation marriage problems Orlando collaborative divorce repression foundation improving co-parenting therapy partners navigate leave forensic psychological evaluations friendly terms self-expression value system clarify access behavior modification without bias heart mental illness paternity orientation confusion help life event expectation modern relationships respect trial influential addiction memories swinger effective behavior Orlando family mediator persona influence neuropsychological evaluations child development divided doctor developments court deserves stress love determine tools withstand Neuropsychology marry litigation caring behaviors undergo psychological dealing with stress acceptance abuse needs state of mind PTSD phobias parent coordination politicians family counseling orlando relationships family mediation attorney separation priorities Orlando neuropsychologist psychiatric spouses repressed thoughts property psychologist dealing with anxiety expectations sexual satisfaction suffering disputes healthy habits sadness sex offender therapist struggling studies courage psychologists counseling delicate topics therapy addressed communication problem child's mental state habit shades of grey Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations psychology psychological evaluations conflict sexual enrichment friendship reassurance bias negotiations improve sexual satisfaction prenuptial agreements cheating unconventional arrangement caring before the divorce scientists substance abuse families professional licensed psychologist arrangement loved legal qualified therapist psychologists in orlando relationship therapy Orlando psychologist challenges law enforcement consultants couple's problems therapists in orlando autonomy mismatched sex drives adult couples counseling respectfully overeating expression sexual behavioral problems another procedure


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design