Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


divorce trial family another conflict resolution beginning psychological evaluations long-term relationship couples life event mental health activities deal evaluation emotions clarify mental health counselor sexual avoidance phobia alternative medicine stress support sex therapy fault divorcing marriage problems not his fault expectation expectations access repressed thoughts disputes neuroanatomy psychological evaluation sexual satisfaction suppression bias towards Orlando mediators counseling mess of a divorce forensic psychological evaluations professional qualified dealing with anxiety family psychotherapy friends withdraw psychologists orlando monitored exchange psychotherapist social pragmatic communication disorder divided loyalties class orlando repression self-expression masturbation consultants divided intimacy autonomy help relationships different self parent parenting plans relationship therapy stress-relieving healthy habits addiction child custody Orlando collaborative divorce Orlando therapists legal psychotherapy orlando therapist Orlando psychologist friendship psychiatric issues separation affair struggling child persona messy divorce collaborative divorce addressed mental examination Orlando psychologists clarify priorities agree out of court time-sharing newly divorced relationship boundaries scientist sexual behavioral problems divorce aftermath talking points partner mediators relief couples counseling fulfillment sex offender therapist Orlando neuropsychologist marriage counseling self unsettling life event phobias Orlando hypnotherapy overeating habits alimony spouses valued medicine Orlando mediation relationship problem marry Orlando psychotherapy neuropsychologist grief effective relaxation molestation craving management bias withstand challenges help relationship help anxious neuropsychologists licensed psychologist techniques evaluate boundaries couple's therapy partners mental states undergo hypnosis mediation unconventional doctor child conflict advantageous Orlando sex offender therapy prioritization psychology orlando success behaviors satisfaction settlement court habits collaborative law questions forensic psychology negotiations psychologist loves assess The Florida Bar sexual addiction talk therapy litigation disorder swing co-parenting therapy unconscious estates divorce coaches mental health services delicate topics abuse infidelity psychologists delicate caring prenuptial agreements family mediation spouse call it quits neuropsychological evaluations families determine courts law enforcement consultants therapy needs struggling appropriate ways sex offender therapy trial Orlando supervised visitation thoughts develop relationship models deserves hypnotherapy priorities scientists cheater qualified sex therapist behavior modification before the divorce sex offender marriage counseling orlando fl lover expression procedure intense Orlando family mediator Competency Restoration Training family counseling caring behaviors parent coordination improving development learning risks Parenting Coordinator parents married suppressed problems sexual monogamy orientation confusion Parenting Coordination Program respect learning and growth post traumatic stress disorder repressed thoughts psychosexual evaluations trauma undergo assessment improve sexual satisfaction acting out family therapy sex therapist unconventional arrangement developments without bias monetary value treatment psychometrist therapist's roles reassurance orlando sex therapy brain swinging act out withstand Orlando parenting plan evaluations courage child abuse influential consult mediator live apart sleep disorder adult agreement arrangement disorders dealing with stress dynamics child's mental state relationship woes behavior love partner violence hopeless discussion respectfully couple's problems digital better the relationship unsettling sex therapy orlando friendly terms influence psychotherapy state of mind PTSD sadness personality mismatched sex drives relationships children judge marriage modern relationship values boundary sexual trauma psychology Orlando Family Mediation access studies mental state one another treatments paternity communication problem communication problems tools listening psychologists in orlando swinger memories Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations therapists in orlando politicians multiple personality disorder contested custodies non-monogamy attorney sleep disorders depression modern relationships cheated-upon Neuropsychology psychological smoking cessation hypnosis acceptance personal fulfillment cheated sexual enrichment marriage troubles anxiety growth challenges mediates leave sex sexual buried memories litigation support accept healing consultation loved family counseling orlando suffering specific problem improve mind repressed memories relocation disputes parenting plan communication lawyers lying neurodevelopmental disorders malicious divorce law enforcement specialists cheating topics for discussion infidelity aftermath delicate topic shades of grey neurological abnormality habit better overeating substance abuse child psychologist orlando smoking navigate divorce education orlando adjustment mental illness ideal child development heart modification repressed attorneys address foundation troubled property dynamic anti-anxiety Cooperative Parenting Institute swingers medical qualified therapist value system


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design