Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


mental health services Parenting Coordination Program stress-relieving treatment modification access repressed thoughts stress help relationships family mediation appropriate ways psychotherapy politicians court marriage troubles improve scientists Orlando sex offender therapy trial discussion foundation studies undergo influential dealing with anxiety agree cheater expectations friendly terms divided address medicine multiple personality disorder expectation child custody monetary value psychologists in orlando psychologist psychology orlando better non-monogamy The Florida Bar qualified sex therapist Orlando collaborative divorce co-parenting therapy newly divorced sex offender therapy heart Orlando supervised visitation unsettling life event divorce trial swinger developments Neuropsychology questions psychotherapy orlando family psychotherapy problem without bias acting out couples counseling swingers repressed fault sexual trauma neuropsychological evaluations parenting plans determine orientation confusion withstand affair bias withdraw therapist's roles ideal lover family counseling trauma sex therapy orlando modern relationships persona self-expression shades of grey Orlando therapists parent coordination psychiatric caring consultants forensic psychological evaluations marry help relationship psychology accept craving management estates another spouses long-term relationship divorcing child self friendship relationship divorce improving before the divorce satisfaction molestation legal techniques prenuptial agreements relationship woes partners growth grief couple's problems consult psychotherapist adjustment Orlando psychotherapy courage help sexual monogamy marriage dynamics cheating intense attorney Orlando family mediator qualified issues clarify hypnotherapy relaxation neuroanatomy law enforcement specialists sleep disorders caring behaviors adult deserves Orlando psychologist development habit behaviors sexual behavioral problems prioritization PTSD call it quits divorce coaches sexual satisfaction sexual addiction psychologists Competency Restoration Training deal family therapy litigation suffering sex boundary unsettling contested custodies hypnosis collaborative law respect family counseling orlando addiction settlement acceptance family live apart behavior modification phobias professional advantageous negotiations courts mind success struggling child delicate law enforcement consultants assessment sadness fulfillment neuropsychologists litigation support addressed disputes problems Orlando neuropsychologist values expression anti-anxiety loves separation sex therapy psychological evaluations respectfully unconventional arrangement disorder parents boundaries memories child's mental state relocation disputes assess clarify priorities neurological abnormality mental health licensed psychologist relationship boundaries troubled psychological evaluation hopeless state of mind repressed memories aftermath unconventional modern relationship evaluation better the relationship delicate topic access relationships medical swinging psychosexual evaluations Orlando mediators priorities emotions social pragmatic communication disorder phobia personal fulfillment orlando sex therapy mediation doctor valued neurodevelopmental disorders agreement needs healing anxious smoking arrangement infidelity aftermath effective develop act out dealing with stress talk therapy healthy habits mess of a divorce friends thoughts psychometrist loved undergo hypnosis mental illness counseling divorce education orlando collaborative divorce unconscious different self procedure navigate communication problems overeating habits lying value system mental examination parent struggling families alternative medicine behavior sexual Parenting Coordinator beginning love topics for discussion sexual avoidance Orlando mediation mental states infidelity mediator couple's therapy mediates messy divorce sex offender scientist specific problem couples alimony anxiety sex offender therapist autonomy buried memories post traumatic stress disorder disorders child psychologist orlando relationship therapy masturbation evaluate child abuse spouse marriage counseling substance abuse dynamic bias towards habits leave suppression support communication psychological brain Orlando psychologists repression repressed thoughts lawyers time-sharing suppressed mismatched sex drives neuropsychologist Orlando parenting plan evaluations withstand challenges marriage counseling orlando fl communication problem relief monitored exchange children married talking points sex therapist one another tools digital delicate topics judge therapy cheated child development parenting plan personality overeating Orlando Family Mediation abuse therapists in orlando depression malicious divorce forensic psychology qualified therapist partner risks sleep disorder sexual enrichment learning divided loyalties class orlando swing Cooperative Parenting Institute mediators attorneys conflict resolution conflict paternity property therapist mental health counselor out of court not his fault improve sexual satisfaction influence partner violence Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations treatments Orlando hypnotherapy relationship models challenges marriage problems learning and growth smoking cessation psychologists orlando reassurance mental state activities consultation life event intimacy listening cheated-upon


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design