Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


parents medical neurological abnormality anxious sex offender therapy law enforcement consultants neuropsychologists development determine molestation sexual avoidance masturbation conflict influence non-monogamy navigate mental health services monetary value sex improve acceptance stress smoking emotions divorce coaches struggling child risks specific problem forensic psychological evaluations evaluation psychological evaluations address learning and growth overeating habits partner violence alimony Orlando parenting plan evaluations without bias substance abuse self settlement phobia assessment clarify priorities respectfully developments acting out psychosexual evaluations unconventional arrangement brain litigation support hypnosis not his fault studies issues families co-parenting therapy unsettling life event psychotherapy orlando trauma sleep disorder therapist's roles professional law enforcement specialists conflict resolution divorce trial delicate topic consultants lying effective personal fulfillment orlando sex therapy adjustment parenting plans addiction psychological undergo hypnosis attorney lawyers sexual satisfaction repressed memories deal overeating buried memories value system mismatched sex drives another shades of grey sex therapy orlando dealing with anxiety Orlando Family Mediation thoughts heart contested custodies satisfaction mediates fault courage relationship psychotherapy politicians consult suppression sex offender therapist psychologists in orlando friendship habit cheated-upon Orlando supervised visitation psychological evaluation better the relationship marriage troubles Orlando psychologists children accept repressed monitored exchange court communication problem child agreement sexual behavioral problems couple's therapy life event consultation behavior modification undergo child abuse Parenting Coordinator psychologists orlando loves family mediation mind newly divorced advantageous parent better Orlando therapists bias agree act out develop phobias anti-anxiety family psychotherapy caring support marriage counseling access psychotherapist therapist mental states property craving management child development infidelity relationship woes alternative medicine modification tools divorce education orlando communication family counseling state of mind relationship models mental illness repressed thoughts unsettling stress-relieving out of court challenges dynamic affair beginning hopeless deserves valued The Florida Bar Competency Restoration Training digital Neuropsychology reassurance mess of a divorce Parenting Coordination Program evaluate mental state improving adult partners infidelity aftermath messy divorce relationship boundaries divided parenting plan cheated mediator prenuptial agreements bias towards call it quits mediation modern relationship foundation therapy boundary disorder disorders psychiatric litigation scientist withdraw Orlando collaborative divorce repression success attorneys medicine swinging child custody psychologists Orlando mediation Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations divided loyalties class orlando swing unconscious couple's problems friendly terms love doctor improve sexual satisfaction smoking cessation dealing with stress suppressed appropriate ways sexual addiction prioritization psychology orlando divorcing needs expression self-expression judge couples counseling parent coordination therapists in orlando mental health Orlando psychotherapy family assess neuroanatomy neurodevelopmental disorders counseling withstand challenges discussion procedure help relationship delicate topics sex therapist couples orientation confusion personality caring behaviors cheating treatment sex therapy anxiety malicious divorce cheater techniques collaborative law estates qualified sex therapist collaborative divorce forensic psychology questions mental examination marry long-term relationship topics for discussion psychology withstand expectations psychologist autonomy post traumatic stress disorder licensed psychologist struggling treatments scientists problems relief talking points leave relationships negotiations growth help relationships talk therapy child's mental state sexual trauma Orlando family mediator marriage counseling orlando fl loved behaviors relaxation spouses behavior learning sexual monogamy qualified therapist habits marriage suffering problem separation healing modern relationships help married delicate legal sexual swingers values priorities fulfillment one another paternity influential sadness aftermath Orlando neuropsychologist dynamics family therapy persona partner psychometrist troubled Orlando hypnotherapy mediators qualified grief Orlando psychologist unconventional intense time-sharing lover Orlando sex offender therapy intimacy child psychologist orlando arrangement communication problems expectation hypnotherapy sex offender Orlando mediators depression mental health counselor spouse family counseling orlando healthy habits multiple personality disorder disputes sleep disorders divorce trial listening friends before the divorce activities access repressed thoughts boundaries sexual enrichment courts PTSD live apart abuse ideal swinger clarify respect relationship therapy addressed neuropsychologist social pragmatic communication disorder different self relocation disputes memories Cooperative Parenting Institute neuropsychological evaluations marriage problems


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design