Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


neuropsychologists thoughts mess of a divorce modern relationships therapy cheater partner spouses sexual enrichment disputes not his fault clarify Cooperative Parenting Institute behavior modification mediators estates alternative medicine qualified sex therapist contested custodies divided before the divorce sex therapy orlando spouse orlando sex therapy messy divorce medicine phobia heart swinger overeating habits studies shades of grey specific problem sexual monogamy talk therapy sex offender therapist unconscious Orlando hypnotherapy communication problem access effective Parenting Coordination Program self neurodevelopmental disorders relaxation child development qualified legal hypnosis aftermath arrangement separation scientist psychologists orlando dynamic court learning and growth psychometrist adult social pragmatic communication disorder licensed psychologist marriage problems smoking law enforcement specialists courage sexual behavioral problems withstand marriage brain sexual addiction valued appropriate ways monetary value mediator couples neuropsychologist better respectfully cheated-upon PTSD prioritization litigation support relationship partners struggling child infidelity different self psychotherapist paternity undergo anxiety beginning sex offender therapy mental illness mental state Orlando neuropsychologist child psychologist orlando improve sexual satisfaction address sex offender infidelity aftermath fault parenting plan relief psychiatric expectation family therapy friendship unconventional develop parent coordination medical boundary orientation confusion co-parenting therapy live apart accept problem lawyers family mediation leave Orlando mediation unsettling life event divorce trial child custody divided loyalties class orlando swing relationship boundaries Orlando parenting plan evaluations attorneys digital anxious sexual sex therapy psychologist suppressed value system growth addressed cheating counseling marriage counseling success mind law enforcement consultants prenuptial agreements time-sharing evaluate Orlando family mediator call it quits collaborative law marry disorder unsettling modification foundation child assess craving management child's mental state state of mind divorce coaches advantageous multiple personality disorder delicate topic trial sadness questions risks improve sex therapist parents repression acting out The Florida Bar persona navigate bias mental states loves deserves without bias love unconventional arrangement self-expression Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations psychotherapy mental health services learning influential one another procedure therapists in orlando respect Orlando mediators neuroanatomy post traumatic stress disorder intimacy troubled sleep disorders habit conflict Orlando psychologist affair lover psychological relationship models psychology orlando forensic psychology delicate personal fulfillment litigation caring behaviors priorities doctor monitored exchange satisfaction needs loved friends parenting plans psychologists judge memories trauma courts values Orlando collaborative divorce consultants reassurance malicious divorce Competency Restoration Training grief forensic psychological evaluations challenges families influence sleep disorder scientists evaluation agreement out of court Orlando therapists psychotherapy orlando anti-anxiety parent mediation determine consultation sexual avoidance mental health counselor improving stress communication couple's therapy clarify priorities non-monogamy children Parenting Coordinator settlement healing suffering topics for discussion mediates emotions repressed memories relationships developments family counseling depression cheated expression negotiations swingers listening access repressed thoughts activities Orlando Family Mediation collaborative divorce child abuse overeating development personality family psychotherapy lying withdraw psychology talking points treatment couples counseling help relationships disorders newly divorced smoking cessation life event caring issues undergo hypnosis mismatched sex drives relocation disputes bias towards relationship therapy married expectations withstand challenges professional neurological abnormality behaviors psychologists in orlando marriage troubles dynamics abuse suppression addiction attorney Orlando supervised visitation repressed techniques support communication problems acceptance neuropsychological evaluations hypnotherapy stress-relieving dealing with anxiety repressed thoughts family struggling family counseling orlando alimony delicate topics autonomy long-term relationship molestation divorce friendly terms property treatments sexual trauma divorce education orlando buried memories healthy habits intense mental examination hopeless deal consult problems fulfillment help psychological evaluations Orlando psychotherapy swinging sex marriage counseling orlando fl masturbation Neuropsychology psychosexual evaluations Orlando sex offender therapy help relationship assessment therapist's roles psychological evaluation better the relationship couple's problems habits ideal another therapist boundaries substance abuse sexual satisfaction tools divorcing politicians agree mental health Orlando psychologists dealing with stress partner violence conflict resolution phobias relationship woes behavior adjustment discussion qualified therapist act out modern relationship


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design