Psychology Orlando

Why We Cheat

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.

Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.

Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.

Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.

Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.

A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.

Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

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Benefits of Hypnotherapy

 Hypnotherapyhas almost always been considered “alternative” medicine, but recent developments in the art of hypnosis have shown how hypnotherapy can help someone access repressed thoughts and memories, as well as develop relaxation and anti-anxiety techniques. Hypnosis is used most often to treat phobias, anxiety, sleep disorders, PTSD, and to augment grief counseling.

Whether specific scientists believe in its power to access buried memories, they cannot die the healing and stress-relieving properties of the procedure. Those who undergo hypnosis to help with their smoking or overeating habits have seen considerable success, suggesting that this procedure is effective in behavior modification. For this reason, some parents may elect for their child to undergo hypnotherapy as part of a psychological evaluation, in order to fully understand why, in times of stress, like that of a divorce, the child is acting out, and also to help the child develop appropriate ways to deal with his stress and anxiety.

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What to Expect in Relationship Therapy

These days, before many couples decide to call it quits, they undergo couple’s therapy or marriage counseling. In general, no one is excited about the prospect of sitting on a psychologist’s couch and detailing all the problems within a marriage, however, plenty of couples have found relief from their relationship woes by seeking the help of a professional. It is always useful, before jumping into any kind of therapy, to have some idea of what is going to happen.

Most psychologists will ask questions, listening to responses of both spouses, in order to get at the heart of the couple’s problems. For example, a couple may come in saying that they no longer feel the other loves them. Through some pointed questions, a psychologist may determine that they are actually having a problem with communication, not with love.

Even for couples that have already decided to get a divorce, relationship therapy may be advantageous. A therapist will be able to help them navigate their new dynamic, so that they can at least be on friendly terms, especially in cases where the couple shares a child.

In either case, the psychologist will ask questions about the relationship and will suggest topics for discussion and activities that can better the couple’s relationship, whether that couple is still married or is newly divorced.

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Assisting with a Child's Mental State

Studies show that even in the current global climate, where divorce is more common and accepted than ever, many children have trouble adjusting to life with parents who live together, to parents who live apart. They now have to split their time between their parents (if they are lucky), or may now live with and see only one parent, instead of two. This is a difficult adjustment for any child, and parents may see the child beginning to act out or withdraw.

A psychologist can help with a troubled child from the very first hints of a divorce. Children need stability in order to grow up into well-adjusted people, and a divorce can seriously shake their foundations. A psychologist can come into the situation fresh, without bias towards which parents has had what influence on the child, and assess the child’s state of mind. After this assessment, the psychologist can recommend activities, talking points, and reassurance that can be made to the child in order to let him know first, that the divorce was not his fault, and second, that he is as loved and valued as he was before the divorce.

In the mess of a divorce, it can be difficult to find time to give your struggling child the attention he needs and deserves. A psychologist can equip both you and your child with the tools needed to deal with this unsettling life event.

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A Psychologist's Many Roles

Many people see the role of a psychologist relegated to the chair and couch method of therapy, that their only role is that of a therapist, hashing out the mental states of celebrities and those wealthy enough to pay for their services. But these days, the role of psychologist is greatly expanded. They are used as consultants by law enforcement specialists, they advise politicians, and they help schools design curricula to encourage learning and growth.

Among some of their most important roles is that of a mediator, between two spouses who have decided to divorce. They also can help assess a child’s mental state and provide solutions for the difficult situations that children and parents often find themselves in when a divorce separates a family. Then, there are the more traditional therapist’s roles, including implementing hypnotherapy, and counseling couples in their relationships.

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