Psychology Orlando

Psychological Affiliates Inc delivers Orlando patients state of the art Psychologists services. Our experts specialize in Family Counseling, Psychology and Collaborative Divorce Psychology.

Why We Cheat

Deborah O. Day, Psy.D - Thursday, April 03, 2014

In a recent interview with Slate Magazine, Esther Perel, author and therapist, brings fresh perspectives to the age-old issue of infidelity. Surveys consistently show that most marriages/long-term relationships are touched by infidelity at some point. Ms. Perel cites research showing that very often, cheaters are basically happy with their marriages or relationships. This seems to be especially true for men. Most cheaters say they really do not want to leave their relationships, yet they are willing to take risks and seriously hurt their partners and families.


Esther Perel makes some excellent points in her interview. Key among them is her observation that what cheaters really are seeking is a different self. Through an affair, a different aspect of one’s personality is brought to life, often in an overwhelmingly intense manner. This intense activation of a perhaps long suppressed or previously unrecognized persona is the real unconscious goal rather than seeking to have a different lover.


Ms. Perel also draws a distinction between cheating and non-monogamy. She suggests that “examining monogamy is our next frontier.” Instead of the old roles of cheater and the cheated-upon, new relationship models are needed which can demonstrate how to respectfully handle the shades of grey around the many sexual/intimacy/friendship/digital issues that affect modern relationships.


Many couples still agree that sexual monogamy is their ideal. For these couples, a therapist can help impart and sharpen skills such as conflict resolution, caring behaviors, prioritization, and sexual enrichment. A therapist also can offer craving management to help relationships withstand challenges. For couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, a specific problem may need to be addressed, such as sexual avoidance or sexual addiction.


Other couples may mutually agree to explore more autonomy, self-expression, or personal fulfillment rather than cheating or lying to one another. Even an unconventional arrangement, such as swinging, requires relationship boundaries and expectations for both partners.


A qualified sex therapist can work within a couple’s value system to help improve their shared sexual satisfaction. Having the courage to address such delicate topics is a start. A therapist can help couples build upon that beginning by having both partners clarify their priorities and cultivate acceptance of one another.


Provided by Alan Grieco, Ph.D.

 | Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Recent Posts


marriage counseling loved family counseling orlando assessment advantageous dealing with stress Orlando neuropsychologist relaxation sex developments swingers fulfillment behavior modification prioritization dynamic child abuse sexual trauma anti-anxiety monitored exchange families habit psychiatric unconventional arrangement appropriate ways suppression children anxiety techniques valued neuropsychologist aftermath qualified sex therapist support repressed thoughts satisfaction sex offender therapy sexual monogamy malicious divorce monetary value substance abuse trial another parent listening multiple personality disorder friends repression couple's therapy forensic psychology procedure tools loves success qualified therapist newly divorced acting out memories sex therapy orlando molestation neuroanatomy state of mind psychologists orlando healthy habits married child custody smoking cessation psychological evaluations evaluate alimony psychology divided sleep disorders adjustment spouses Orlando mediation therapist child's mental state better help relationships psychological evaluation problem parenting plans sex offender therapist thoughts litigation support disputes effective phobia withdraw messy divorce sexual avoidance buried memories act out spouse mental health services psychometrist Cooperative Parenting Institute marriage forensic psychological evaluations behavior contested custodies discussion deal undergo medical cheating respectfully psychologists attorney addiction professional swing alternative medicine court lying couples counseling marriage troubles psychotherapy orlando orlando sex therapy family mediation orientation confusion mental states struggling leave Orlando supervised visitation brain without bias judge consultation delicate topic divorce trial therapy partner mediators attorneys out of court mental examination infidelity scientists stress relationship therapy self arrangement needs cheated accept self-expression challenges swinger marriage problems psychosexual evaluations boundaries suffering shades of grey time-sharing learning legal relationships divorce influential digital hypnotherapy ideal agree specific problem abuse unconventional divorcing communication problems divorce coaches relief Neuropsychology persona sex therapy separation development struggling child paternity law enforcement consultants relationship woes hypnosis life event prenuptial agreements family counseling acceptance marriage counseling orlando fl marry mediator topics for discussion mental state masturbation PTSD lawyers Orlando family mediator navigate post traumatic stress disorder neurodevelopmental disorders craving management issues infidelity aftermath value system Orlando therapists child consultants negotiations child development improving unsettling beginning co-parenting therapy parents psychologist consult sexual enrichment cheater hopeless modification talk therapy values problems Orlando mediators The Florida Bar reassurance delicate topics grief Parenting Coordination Program better the relationship behaviors Orlando hypnotherapy unconscious address fault clarify priorities caring behaviors therapist's roles sexual behavioral problems help sexual addiction disorder troubled anxious deserves Orlando psychologist law enforcement specialists social pragmatic communication disorder one another influence couples emotions trauma Orlando sex offender therapy personality suppressed studies adult Orlando collaborative divorce mind access growth Orlando parenting plan evaluations priorities family psychotherapy smoking conflict resolution modern relationship Orlando Neuropsychological evaluations different self activities mismatched sex drives phobias non-monogamy intimacy learning and growth politicians mediation mental health counselor medicine courage sleep disorder divorce education orlando courts Orlando psychologists counseling caring friendly terms conflict settlement improve sexual satisfaction Orlando Family Mediation dynamics relationship boundaries partner violence communication problem withstand challenges respect psychotherapist scientist heart collaborative law access repressed thoughts disorders parent coordination relationship models develop foundation addressed treatment psychotherapy Orlando psychotherapy relocation disputes live apart family intense mental health Parenting Coordinator overeating psychologists in orlando love licensed psychologist sexual boundary improve not his fault doctor mess of a divorce parenting plan bias towards mediates expectation divided loyalties class orlando personal fulfillment dealing with anxiety sadness evaluation assess healing psychology orlando call it quits withstand property lover modern relationships autonomy undergo hypnosis affair unsettling life event estates delicate repressed determine help relationship depression qualified Competency Restoration Training family therapy neuropsychologists litigation expression partners treatments repressed memories communication psychological neuropsychological evaluations before the divorce sexual satisfaction neurological abnormality mental illness therapists in orlando sex therapist long-term relationship expectations habits agreement overeating habits couple's problems stress-relieving friendship collaborative divorce sex offender relationship swinging talking points cheated-upon clarify bias questions risks child psychologist orlando


2737 West Fairbanks Avenue,  Winter Park, FL. 32789    Phone: 407-674-5663


©2011 Psychological Affiliates - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Developed - Design by Windermere Design